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I got a call from my manager. He said, 'Dude, dude, you're nominated!' Then I fell back asleep. I was out cold. LeBron James got into my dreams. He said I was nominated!
You get somebody to crack a smile, that's a beautiful thing. So I think all comedians are earning their wings into heaven. We're all going to heaven, but everybody's not going to get their wings. Some people are just going to be regular angels. Doing cleanup, janitor work. In heaven, I'm going to sit on the couch with Oprah.
I don't have to wait until I'm in some comedy club, onstage with a stool and a water and a mic. I'm funny everywhere.
You can do one of two things: You can be the artist that paints the picture, or you can be in the picture. Once you're in the picture, it's not funny.
You want to know what happiness is? It's having something to look forward to, and I have all that stuff to look forward to. Right now, I'm just basking in the glory. I'm just enjoying my time in the spotlight.
I've always been voted most unlikely. Now that I'm making it, everybody's paying attention to everything I say.
This just got awesome!
Are you a pre-op trans centaur?
Are you a large child or a small adult?
Here comes the fun cooker!
We're a team now, like Batman and Robin, like chicken and a chicken container.
I don't need therapy, I'm just mentally ill.
I learned the word "black" in every language just so I know when to be offended.
Being Hurt By Someone You Love
Brother And Sister
Criticism Of Others
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