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I had to get in touch with the source, I had to go back into my abandonment issues with my mother, I had to go into issues with my father I hadn't even looked at before.
I couldn't have come up with a better metaphor for my life and my internal conflict. It amazes me how quickly we can manifest our fears; not only had I created my 'I'm never satisfied, I'll drive her away' nightmare.
I couldn't be in a relationship and behave like somebody else or pretend I felt something I didn't feel. And that includes saying things I thought might jeopardize the relationship.
I am not as scared about people tearing this one up as I would have been in the past because of the basis in 'knowing' this one has. There are people out there that are hungry for this.
I am learning to forgive my inner geek, and even value him as a free man.
I am attracting a new audience now, one that is more open and more spiritually inclined.
Courage is always rewarded.
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