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I know De Niro, you know, it's all famous that he packed on 60 pounds for Raging Bull, but ah, he just did it for one movie, I do that for every movie.
I'm not a gay man, but I will say this: I get it now. I know what all the hype is about.
How big are muffins going to get before we all join hands across America? Have you seen them? They're huge. 'Yeah, I'll take a coffee and...Oh, my God! Yeah, I'll have the beanbag chair with raisins.'
You know, when you're a fat guy you don't need a reason to sweat. Guys come up to me and go 'Jeez... what have you been doing - jumping rope in the attic or something?'...'Umm, no... I peeled an orange about an hour ago, why?'
My fitness goals are different than most peoples. Most people want to lose enough weight so they look good in a bathing suit or they want to lower their cholesterol. I just want to lose enough so my stomach doesn't jiggle when I brush my teeth.
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
I took a public speaking class in college and managed to make the class laugh a little bit.
I really wasn't a class clown.
From there, I tried out for a community theatre play, joined an improv group... it all started opening up.
50 Year Old Birthday
Believe In Yourself
Pushing People Away
Words Of Wisdom
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