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I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi driver says, don't worry we'll lose him at the next lights.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.
In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.
25th Wedding Anniversary
Im The Shit
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