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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks.
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, I'm going to mop the floor with your face. I said, You'll be sorry. He said, Oh, yeah? Why? I said, Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.
Being In Love With Your Best Friend
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