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I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?
I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.
Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.
But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.
As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
Done With You
Funny Facebook Status
Happy Married Life
I Love You
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