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I think all men should have to spend one day possessed by evil, hungry, emotionally expressive demons so they can forever understand PMS.
At what point did waiters stop trusting us with the pepper grinder?
When is my phone going to learn that I never, ever meant to write 'ducked up?'
Don't go to Bed Bath & Beyond hungry unless you love anxiety and have lots of cash to spend on blenders.
One reason I love my mom: she says hello to the NSA in every family email.
I just went into a store to buy a trash can and left with an underwater workout kit. I AM THE SUCKER THEY COUNT ON.
In the next election can we vote to ban those ribbon things that kind of keep clothing on hangers but really just hang out of your armpits?
Sound guy just told me my voice 'has balls.'Be still my heart.
My brother and I are having our first fight ever, and it's about the new Daft Punk album, which is obviously GOOD and NOT lame at ALL.
The hatred I have for slow drivers is pure and unfiltered.
The thing about boarding school is everyone launches themselves into really serious relationships really quickly, almost out of boredom. You live there and see the people every day. Two weeks in a boarding school relationship is like six months in a normal relationship.
Inspiration is the key to everything.
If I'm left high and dry at the end of this wild journey, just taking it is a great feeling.
Being Fed Up
Clever Facebook Status
Done With You
First Mothers Day
I Dont Give A Fuck
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