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I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose
A book is a gift you can open again and again.
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
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