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I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
But seriously, I think overall in the scheme of things winning an Emmy is not important. Let's get our priorities straight. I think we all know what's really important in life - winning an Oscar.
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.
Hello?..Oh, hi Tom. Ooh, I've been dying to see that movie...Mmm no, I just opened up some yogurt. I am in for the night....Not even later, it's the kind with the fruit on the bottom. Thanks anyway. Have fun. Oh...Sorry I'm late...Traffic. Hm. Really? How you think I got here? Hellacoptered in?
So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers..I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here..is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors....you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldnt be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it's this thin thin cardboard .....what are they thinking? Ohh they'll be fine
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
What would bug a guy from the Taliban more than seeing a gay woman in a suit surrounded by Jews?
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Better Off Without You
Doing Your Best
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