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I write my own quotes. Except this one. I obviously stole this from somebody really clever.
I wonder: when a Jehovah's Witness dies and goes to Heaven, does God hide behind the door and pretend He's not home?
I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed?
I imagine the life of an atheistic praying mantis to be rather torturous.
He has your finger, but I have your heart.
Get tough: don't work under pressure; work over pressure.
Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary.
Don't hate me 'cause I'm booed a fool!
Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own.
Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris.
A government full of Democrats would rather have you be a Republican, and a government full of Republicans would rather have you be a Democrat, than have you oppose both.
50 Year Old Birthday
Loss Of A Loved One
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