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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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