If You're Talking Behind My Back, You're In A Good Position To Kiss My Ass!

I wonder if fat drug dealers sell diet coke.

Charlie Sheen

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I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.

Unknown

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The awkward moment when wikipedia has copied your homework.

Unknown

1974 Likes

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I want a real relationship; not a facebook one

Unknown

2736 Likes

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Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.

Unknown

1947 Likes

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A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

Unknown

2463 Likes

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Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.

Unknown

5612 Likes

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If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don't hit me again officer...

Unknown

1925 Likes

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The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pus.. when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"

Unknown

8120 Likes

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...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don't do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"

Unknown

4880 Likes

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Never on schedule, but always on time.

Nas

1061 Likes

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Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present.

Unknown

1783 Likes

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