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If you want anything done well, do it yourself. This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
A book does not make bad jokes, drink too much or eat more than you can afford to pay for.
Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
George Bernard Shaw
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
New opinions often appear first as jokes and fancies, then as blasphemies and treason, then as questions open to discussion, and finally as established truths.
George Bernard Shaw
Our subconscious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives.
Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
St Thomas Aquinas
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it. I'd rather read, tell stories, crack jokes, talk, laugh - anything but work.
I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!
Better Off Without You
Never Back Down
Never Let Me Go
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