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If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do things worth writing.
If you would have a faithful servant, and one that you like, serve yourself.
If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.
If you know how to spend less than you get, you have the philosopher's stone.
If you desire many things, many things will seem few.
If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality.
If all printers were determined not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed.
If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him.
If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles.
I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.
I saw few die of hunger; of eating, a hundred thousand.
I guess I don't so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
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