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It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke.
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.
I wish I'd been a mixed infant.
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
I say myself no depressed words just depressed minds.
I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
I am a drinker with writing problems.
I am a daylight atheist.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.
Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.
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