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Lol so I'm the asshole in the bathroom that can't get the motion censored water and soap to come out and waving my hand for 5 minutes.
I call my vibrator the Elmo, because you know like tickle me Elmo
Seriously like who pee's in a bar?
Even though we're tiny bi...es I don't give a sh... I will fu..ing attack you like a squirrel monkey.
I will pee in a bush, I will sh.. in a bush, I will hide in a bush.
Oh my God! Someone needs to kiss my a.. asap!
Old people they lose their sex life and that's not a good time. That's why they get divorced all the time.
I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.
I really don't want to cheat, like seriously, I don't want to.. but if youre gonna hand me a bottle of friggin' SoCo, something just comes over me, like I just go crazy.
Eating fried pickles was a life changing experience.
Every time I get excited I have to poop.
I don't go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.
I got a boner.
Funny Facebook Status
Trust In God
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