Losing a child is traumatic. You feel like you'll never heal, but you do. You feel like you'll never be loved again, but you find that magic eventually. You think it's your fault, but people assure you otherwise. It hurts, but you're not alone. It's shared pain.
When you kill your child, it's different. It's not supposed to hurt as bad, but it does. And when it does, you have no right to show it. Forgiveness isn't even in your lane. You are right there beneath the devil. You think you are going to heal, but you never do. You think you did the right thing but we all know you didn't. You think you'll be loved again....but you will never feel more alone in your life. But you have to smile. You have to smile because that pain can't be shared. That burden is yours alone.