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Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, I'd like some fries. The girl at the counter said, Would you like some fries with that?
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
The New England Jornal of Medicine reports that nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know anything about running the government. Didn't hurt George Bush.
50 Year Old Birthday
Funny Facebook Status
Pushing Someone Away
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