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Man I wish Morgan Freeman would do my outgoing voicemail.
Now that oral arguments in the gay marriage cases are over, it's time for the Supreme Court to move on to the anal & vag...l ones.
You do one stoner movie trilogy & every time you need eye drops people look at you with amused suspicion...
Just spent a good 10 stubborn minutes trying to remember the correct spelling of 'rhythm' in an email. That first H, man.
It's so nice out I imagine this is when rich people go sailing and eat cheese and sh...
Since celebs name-dropping themselves has gotten played, all rants should now begin with, 'Do NOT make me pull a Reese Witherspoon.'
I saw a fat Indian guy and it made me go to the gym.
We should have a badass secret handshake.
You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
WTF Why is there no sheep emoji?
Waiting for the 'call me maybe' video from the rover on Mars.
Lady crossing the street, not paying attention, almost got hit. Turns to husband & screams, 'Why didn't YOU watch where I was going?!'
CNN annoyed me so I'm watching Dance Moms. Not the first time Tuesday night has ended up like this.
Being Who You Are
Good New Year
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