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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.
If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would be taken.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.
When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.
Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I can say, 'Hey, at least I'm not pregnant.'
I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance -- fake
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