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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Dont Look Back
I Dont Give A Fuck
Live Life To The Fullest
Sense Of Humor
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