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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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