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No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.
Gray hair is God's graffiti.
Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
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