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Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial we.
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
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