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Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
Communism is like one big phone company.
A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
50th Wedding Anniversary
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