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Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.
Pat O'Brien knows nothing. He's on the Hell express.
Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.
It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus.
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care.
I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.
I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage.
I want to manufacture a feud.
I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.
I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.
I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.
Trust In God
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