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Sorry that, statistically speaking, you probably won't fulfill your resolution.
Unknown
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For my new year's resolution, I promise to stop correcting your terrible spelling and focus more on your horrific grammar.
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My resolution is to get healthier while still destroying myself with alcohol and drugs.
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My excuses for already failing my New Year's resolution are more complicated than the fiscal cliff deal.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
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Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did this year.
Unknown
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This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate.
Zach Galifianakis
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This year, I'm just making one New Year's resolution: Stop making resolutions. My only other resolution is to quit breaking my resolutions.
Unknown
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New Years Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
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Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now averagewhich means, you have met your New Year's resolution.
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Resolution One: I will live for God. Resolution Two: If no one else does, I still will.
Jonathan Edwards
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I will stop peeping into my boyfriend's female friends profile on facebook.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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