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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
Substitute damn every time you're inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial we.
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