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The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it.
Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished.
Funny Unemployment quotes
A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but 'That's funny...ï¿½
Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for life.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Funny Catholic quotes
Humor has historically been tied to the mores of the day. The Yellow Kid was predicated on what people thought was funny about the immigrant Irish. When you're different in a society, you're funny.
They say he's [Yogi Berra] funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?
The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.
Long Distance Relationship
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