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The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up.
Bush Administration quotes
Politics is just show business for ugly people.
Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.
More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, I'd like some fries. The girl at the counter said, Would you like some fries with that?
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
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