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The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word.
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
Substitute damn every time you're inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
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