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The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
Keeping It Real quotes
I was completely nuts for most of my life.
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.
I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.
Excuse the mess but we live here.
As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.
I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life.
Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.
My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a skinny guy.
50th Wedding Anniversary
Being Who You Are
I Dont Give A Fuck
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