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The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.
Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
When children are doing nothing, they are doing mischief.
I like children - fried.
W C Fields
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P J O Rourke
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello, goodbye, and I'm pregnant.
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