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They have - they do still hit me occasionally, and it's an overwhelming grief for what - even though my life is so good now, even including going through treatment for cancer, my life is incredible.
There were times after my marriage ended where, you know, I really felt like I was at the bottom of a mountain, there was a great big, fog up there, and I'm never going to cross to the other side.
So I - the thought that I would physically be different was - it's not a thrill, I have to tell you. It's kind of - it brings you up short. But I was able to look at it right away.
I'm also doing constant book readings, movies. You name it, I'm doing it.
It eats you up. It eats you up. And you have to - I had a lot of help. I had a lot of therapy. And I was able to - because it was hard, you know, to - you can't just lay it on friends and children.
I think - I think I've always been kind of - I used to think of myself as a piece of rubber when I was a kid because I was kind of very shy and very - very emotional about things, but I kind of would bounce back.
I find love from time to time.
I don't want to marry again. I did that.
I don't want to have to say, Honey, you know, could you turn off the sports channel because I'm not a big sports fan, and I don't love the television being on just for the sake of turning on. I'd like turning on for some thing specific.
I don't want marriage. You know why? Because I did that. I did it for 32 years.
I don't put off any time with my grandchildren. I don't put off a thing.
I don't know how I dealt with it. I went to a shrink.
I did become American citizen in order to vote. I lived in this country for a very long time and I finally reached the point where I thought, I'm often sticking my neck out on various issues as all human beings have a right to do.
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