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To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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