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What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was mixed, however, as people were trying to figure out which one was which.
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.
One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.
50 Year Old Birthday
I Love You
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