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When my Mom first told me about her illness, I didn't cry, and that shit hurt a lot. I have probably cried over her illness twice now, I was constantly just drowning it out, by drinking and using.
Life actually got so bad that I wanted to die. I wanted to die because I wasn't happy when I was sober & I wasn't happy when I was high anymore.
I love a great concert, the hard rocking music, the energy of the crowd, the electricity in the air, there's nothing like it. I will always go to my favorite shows and blow off some steam, it is a release that I need.
I decided to get sober when I took a look around the house I was at one day, and saw nothing but losers. My friends, the losers, sitting around staring at the walls, talking about nothing, and repeating the same patterns everyday. I thought about where I would be in five years, if I stayed with this crowd, and I saw myself as one of the losers, so I went home and told my Mum that I needed to get out of that scene now.
You can pretty much walk into any bar in LA and ask for Vicodin a painkiller in the same way as you might ask for a cigarette. People will fish into their bags and hand one to you like they're handing you a stock of gum.
Well, all I can say is, it's a day-by-day program, and so I'm very worried about relapsing, but I don't know. I don't want to use. I don't want to go back to that place because nothing good came of it. It was super dark; it's not nice.
There's people outside our house; you get followed by photographers; you can't go out and have a cup of coffee with a friend without someone coming up to you.
Kelly has a rather bad habit of interrupting.
It's been real weird. It wasn't how I expected my life to turn out. Especially, mainly pertaining to the show. It never crossed my mind that one day I'm gonna be big and famous and have my own TV show, you know?
If I have a problem, stuff's going through my head, I feel like using, I usually go and talk to my dad... I decided to get sober a lot younger than he did. He first tried to get sober when he was like 32, I believe.
I've been drinking and using since I was 13.
I'm totally grateful for the fans my family has and I have; they gave me a lot of support when I was in treatment. But it was just odd, you know? It's stressful. Just the whole fact of being someone in the public eye.
I'd read things, like people criticizing me. But no one likes to read stuff about that, and probably the main thing that was getting to me was me mum's illness.
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