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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Being Hurt By Someone You Love
Heart And Soul
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