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Writers who have nothing to say always strain for metaphors to say it in.
True nostalgia is an ephemeral composition of disjointed memories.
Time has lost all meaning in that nightmare alley of the Western world known as the American mind.
The witty woman is a tragic figure in American life. Wit destroys eroticism and eroticism destroys wit, so women must choose between taking lovers and taking no prisoners.
Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.
In social matters, pointless conventions are not merely the bee sting of etiquette, but the snake bite of moral order.
I'd rather rot on my own floor than be found by a bunch of bingo players in a nursing home.
He travels fastest who travels alone, and that goes double for she. Real feminism is spinsterhood.
Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty - as a way of enjoying elitism without guilt: God did it.
American couples have gone to such lengths to avoid the interference of in-laws that they have to pay marriage counselors to interfere between them.
Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.
Self-help books are making life downright unsafe. Women desperate to catch a man practice all the ploys recommended by these authors. Bump into him, trip over him, knock him down, spill something on him, scald him, but meet him.
Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute the word wit for humor. Humor inspires sympathetic good-natured laughter and is favored by the ''healing-power'' gang. Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.
I Love You So Much
Keeping It Real
Never Give Up
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