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hat's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men.
I go 'I just want a cup of black coffee.' She goes 'Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy.' Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.
So finally, on about the fifteenth tee, I hit the drive of my life. And any of you people who play golf, you know the drive I'm talking about. The minute you hit it, you just drop your club. You hang on to the beer, let's don't get stupid. And I watch this ball just go and go and...kind of hit this guy in the head. And I felt bad, but he overreacted, I thought. I mean, it wasn't like a square hit; it just kind of glanced off his head. But he goes whippin' his car off the freeway, like 'here we go!' Mr. Attitude! So now, he's barreling down the fairway screaming at the top of his lungs, like 'what are you, some kind of cruddy golfer?' I'm like, 'hey, I hit you, didn't I? You were traveling sixty-five miles an hour. That's a pretty good shot in my book.'
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going 'there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot.'
I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. 'Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up...' WHAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? 'All right dude, you're up.'
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