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I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
James Brown
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I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg
15 Likes
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I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.
Mercedes McCambridge
13 Likes
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I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis
16 Likes
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I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
Howard Nemerov
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I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Bertrand Russell
20 Likes
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
11 Likes
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I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Mitch Hedberg
63 Likes
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen
30 Likes
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
45 Likes
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I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Emo Philips
47 Likes
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I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
23 Likes
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I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West
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I think serial monogamy says it all.
Tracey Ullman
4 Likes
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns
13 Likes
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I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.
Paul Lynde
9 Likes
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
16 Likes
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I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller
16 Likes
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I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
23 Likes
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I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers
26 Likes
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