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How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small

67 Likes

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city

71 Likes

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards

99 Likes

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

74 Likes

Babies are such a nice way to start people

47 Likes

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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute

216 Likes

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

Rodney Dangerfield

130 Likes

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

212 Likes

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car

105 Likes

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

1010 Likes

Friendship quotes

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Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

69 Likes

Moderation quotes

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

362 Likes

Men And Women quotes

Optimism quotes

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed

322 Likes

Men And Women quotes

Foolishness quotes

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Agatha Christie

309 Likes

Getting Old quotes

Men And Women quotes

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.

Albert Einstein

218 Likes

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