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Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.
Unknown
984 Likes
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When people ask me plz because it's shorter than please. I tell them no because it's shorter than yes .
Unknown
357 Likes
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I bet the NSA stopped monitoring your phone records after seeing they were all drunk dials to exes at 4 a.m.
Unknown
44 Likes
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The Miami Heat playing the San Antonio Spurs is the only way I could ever root for anything from Texas.
Unknown
41 Likes
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The government may force me to have health insurance but they can never force me to respect my body.
Unknown
45 Likes
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You're so much better than A-Rod at concealing your drug use on the job.
Unknown
50 Likes
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I'd be more upset about the NSA accessing my phone records if I used my phone for anything but texting and taking pictures of my dick.
Unknown
45 Likes
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If I had to be any Kardashian sister, I would choose Bruce Jenner.
Unknown
61 Likes
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I hope the NSA is concerned about how often my mother calls me.
Unknown
42 Likes
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May your daily meltdown be less public, drug-addled, and cartoonishly insane than Amanda Bynes's.
Unknown
29 Likes
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The hardest part of a business, is minding your own.
Unknown
635 Likes
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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you??
Nishan Panwar
504 Likes
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The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
Nikhil Saluja
487 Likes
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I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said: How the hell did you get in here?
Nikhil Saluja
208 Likes
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I said I'd be there in 5 minutes. Quit calling me every half hour.
Nikhil Saluja
277 Likes
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Buy a hamster. Name it Virginity. Lose the hamster. Close enough.
Unknown
221 Likes
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All our life our parents told us not to write on walls. Facebook teaches us differently.
Unknown
287 Likes
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Facebook is starting to be like my fridge, I know nothing is there but I keep checking it anyway...
Kevin McCarty
534 Likes
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You know you are addicted to Facebook when you log off Facebook, turn your computer off, go to bed, role over, and log onto your Facebook from your phone one last time for the night.
Azgraybebly Josland
415 Likes
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I'm not addicted to facebook! You know, I just use it whenever I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, that time, this time, any time, all the time!
Unknown
587 Likes
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