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Happy Mother's Day to a mom who shouldn't assume my graduation means the end of my financial dependency.
Unknown
25 Likes
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For all the love you've given me, I will one day pay your nursing home bill.
Unknown
14 Likes
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Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me.
Unknown
19 Likes
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Happy Mother's Day to the greatest mom in the world besides Michelle Obama.
Unknown
22 Likes
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For enduring the bloodcurdling torture of my adolescent years I promise to always keep your electronics functional.
Unknown
17 Likes
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Congratulations on still somehow not being a mother despite your astonishing sexual promiscuity.
Unknown
35 Likes
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Mom, thanks for bringing me into a world where love can be expressed electronically.
Unknown
30 Likes
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I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child.
Unknown
48 Likes
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Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.
Unknown
1 Likes
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Life is like a game of poker: If you don't put any in the pot, there won't be any to take out.
Unknown
10 Likes
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There are good days and there are bad days, and this is one of them.
Unknown
3 Likes
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For most men life is a search for the proper manilla envelope in which to get themselves filed.
Unknown
0 Likes
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Unknown
2 Likes
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Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Unknown
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Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
Unknown
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Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils...
Unknown
3 Likes
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
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4 Likes
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After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Unknown
1 Likes
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Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
Unknown
3 Likes
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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Unknown
10 Likes
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