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Daniel Tosh Quotes & Sayings
42 entries tagged including 11 subtopics.
Last updated Jul 2020
Daniel Tosh Topics
If you have ever typed 'sorry not sorry' I hope you die...not sorry.
Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.
The day I notice a cyclist obey a stop sign is the day I'll stop enjoying watching them bounce off my hood.
Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble. Bring your own book...I haven't written one yet.
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a 2nd chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
Finding my dog's g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit.
I'm not saying I'm smarter than Steve Jobs was, but I would have made the iPhone charger cord twice as long.
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that?
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code...he turned himself in.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.
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