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Garrison Keillor Quotes & Sayings
47 entries tagged including 35 subtopics.
Last updated Aug 2020
Garrison Keillor Topics
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles.
Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.
It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.
I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy.
I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'
I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.
A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.
Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known.
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose
A book is a gift you can open again and again.
Cute Falling In Love
I Hate Life
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