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Jimmy Fallon Quotes & Sayings

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41 entries tagged including 3 subtopics.
Last updated Dec 2023

Jimmy Fallon Topics

Cancer
Relatives

QUOTES

Theres a new Facebook app that will post a final status update for you after you die. Thats ridiculous. I dont need someone to change my status when I die. I need them to water my Farmville crops.

60 Likes

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NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, theyre all going to be driven by aliens.

2 Likes

Department store Santas are apparently being trained to lower childrens expectations about toys because of the recession. Yeah, its weird when you ask Santa for a train set and hes like, Yeah, how bout a bus token?

2 Likes

A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you.

6 Likes

The Senate is doing its first-ever Secret Santa gift exchange this year. Yeah, theres a $10 spending limit, but they plan to go $14 trillion over budget.

11 Likes

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A new study found that a mothers diet affects her babys allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.

9 Likes

Researchers in the U.K. have developed a vegetable called super broccoli designed to fight heart disease. Not to be outdone, researchers in America have developed a way to stuff an Oreo inside another Oreo.

16 Likes

A man in Arizona was arrested for stuffing snakes down his pants at a pet store. The good news is when he got to prison ten guys offered to stuff more snakes down his pants.

7 Likes

Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if theres any justice, the minute theyre done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun thats not compatible with their machinery.

2 Likes

He man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

11 Likes

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My parents were kind of over protective people. Me and my sister had to play in the backyard all the time. They bought us bikes for Christmas but wouldn't let us ride in the street, we had to ride in the backyard. Another Christmas, my dad got me a basketball hoop and put it in the middle of the lawn! You can't dribble on grass.

11 Likes

I wanted to be a Priest at one point. I was pretty religious. I was an altar boy, and I was good at it. Then, I started meeting girls and I'm like 'You know, maybe I shouldn't be a Priest'.

4 Likes

Hurricane Irene...the storm was huge news. In fact, the Weather Channel reported something they haven't seen in years. Viewers.

5 Likes

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.

8 Likes

When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.

48 Likes

Relatives quotes

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We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good fan. You don't have to win everything to be a fan of something.

3 Likes

We had the guys from X Men 2 do the cameras. They had a 360 camera that would go from one car, up in the air and over to another car in a continuous shot while the film was still rolling, going 90 mph.

5 Likes

They got a great performance from me. I was happy.

1 Likes

There couldn't have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It's beyond baseball. It's rooting for your family.

2 Likes

The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay for the scene, and 37,000 people stayed.

1 Likes

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