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Nick Swardson Quotes & Sayings
30 entries tagged including 1 subtopics.
Last updated May 2021
Nick Swardson Topics
Do you need a stuffed animal? I have a dog. I think I have a bear. Yeah, I have a bear.
Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too - it's not grey.
My roommates said they'd get me rims for christmas. And a CB Radio so I can talk to other car beds.
I can't believe you came on my mom. You might be the biggest perv in the world right now.
That's great Bobby, but we don't have Dance Dance Revolution, so - you're dumb.
I have to pee out of my ass.
So, I mean, what's it like being old? It's gotta be weird, right? I mean, you saw a lotta stuff go down. World War I, World War II, the automobile, Tupac, I mean...
Wassup, Silver Fox? Oh, I started a fight club.
Shit's weak! Shit's weak! Wizzeak!
Yea.. but it's a fucking sweet car!
My name is JP. I am a robot. I like robots. I have a robot vagina.
Let's do it'The levels I mean, not sex.
Uh-oh? What does that mean? High score? Is that bad? Did I break it?
That's cool.....if you wanna be sober and vomit.
Dude, wanking off on my mom is one thing, but doing your grandma...Thats legendary!
Do you have bathrooms here, or do I have to shit in a plant?
Ok... so who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era? Yeah, put your hands up for that one. This chick's pussy smelled like the Great Depression.
Good news from the party........Barry sucked on his first boobie!
Dude, we were just kidding JP. Don't be mad at us!
Hey Samantha, don't take the red pill!
Short Mothers Day
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