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Ralphie May Quotes & Sayings
21 entries tagged including 3 subtopics.
Last updated May 2020
Ralphie May Topics
Man, I havent liked you since you froze Han Solo.
Gams, stems, wheels... whatever.
I'm more stoned than a biblical whore.
My father passed on one important piece of relationship advice before he died. He said son, in a relationship you can either be right or you can be happy. Youll soon find out that you dont care that much about being right.
Father Son quotes
So, are we like best friends now that youve seen whats in my freezer?
Jesus was a pothead Long hair, beard, sandals, carpenter. Do the math, it all adds up. Living with 12 guys with no visible means of support.
I may have cut it a little close, but youll have heard that already by now!
Man, Ive got forty pounds of underwear!
Im still trying to decide if hes a punk-ass bitch, or a bitch-ass punk.
I live in a very dangerous part of Los Angeles? its called Los Angeles.
Wanna give a shout-out to the Fry Guy, got much love fo the Fry Guy? let me get a cold drank, need a cold drank. And a chicken sandwich fo my babys momma cuz Im a hustla baby!
Let me get a Jumbo Jizzack with cheese like a motha fucka!
My neighborhood is so bad. This is how we have to order at the drive-thru if we wanna stay alive...
I got a little bit o black in me. I didnt get that big dick though...I got bad credit, aint that a bitch?
If you can take a dick in the ass, you can DAMN sure take a joke!
I was sweating like R. Kelly at the Kids Choice Awards.
Last Comic Standing was a great opportunity and it was a great learning experience. Even though I didn't win, I've had more success than the actual winner.
I loved Celebrity Fit Club. Celebrity Fit Club had a lot of heart especially if people go into it with a positive attitude like I did, like this is going to be a positive experience. I made a lot of head way in my life and for that I got a lot of people who respect me for what I did on that show.
My wife is also a standup comic, so it's something for me that's awesome. She's a beautiful girl. I really married above my level. She was with me when I was a lot heavier and a lot broker and when you have that type of thing in your life you can do anything you're given.
I hate comics that try to change the world. That's not my job. That's for the king. I'm the jester. I'm there to make you laugh.
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