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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes & Sayings
81 entries tagged including 37 subtopics.
Last updated Aug 2021
Rodney Dangerfield Topics
Actors And Acting
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
Yeah, I know I'm ugly...I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Dysfunctional Family quotes
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
I Miss You
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